I wrote last week about waiting for the results of two biopsies. It’s not the first time I’ve waited. My first melanoma was diagnosed 7 years ago. My second diagnosis was last fall. So, every 3-6 months, clothes come off, robe goes on, for an exam.
More times than not, a suspicious spot is found (My dermatologist and his staff love me. They want me around as long as possible, so they are super-thorough and super-cautious. I’m sure they feel the same about all their patients but I like to feel that I’m special!)
So, I’m used to waiting for the call.
Waiting to see if I have cancer – freaking cancer!
This waiting was a bit different.
This time I was waiting while trying to practice… “The Power of the Now.”
…to “Give my entire attention to what God is doing right now, and not get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow” (Matthew 6:34).
It’s not easy. But it can be done. I need practice. Lots of practice.
This waiting was also different because of a procedural change at the doctor’s office. They would only call if the news was bad. Clear biopsy – no call. Cancer biopsy – call. So I kept one eye nervously on my phone and one eye on what God was doing right now. What God was doing was trying to get me to not focus on the phone!
Well, last Tuesday, July 24, the phone rang. It was them. The doctor’s office. “Well, that’s it! I’ve got cancer. Another melanoma.”
Nope. It was the comforting voice of the PA. “Phillip, I want to personally tell you that the biopsy came back clear. It’s not melanoma. It’s… ( Some long word that for the life of me, I cannot remember – I should have written it down.)
But the only words that stuck were “clear” and “not melanoma.” Good to go.
Not everyone receives that message. I haven’t always received that message. I hurt for those who receive a different message. A hurt that knows the hurt through experience.
In that hurt, I can’t offer people religious cliches or simple solutions. They are empty.
In the hurt, I won’t quote the Bible and say that it’s all part of God’s plan. I don’t really think it is.
I can and will be present with the hurting.
That’s what I’ve learned and continue to learn.
Be still and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Thanks to my dermatologist and staff for working hard to keep me around.
Thanks to Richard Rohr and Eckart Tolle enlightening my understanding of Jesus and for guiding me into living now.